Bridgey Speaks

I received this via email today…

For everyone who has ever had an evaluation–just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from federal government employee performance evaluations.

1. “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig.”

2. “I would not allow this employee to breed.”

3. “This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.”

4. “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”

5. “When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.”

6. “This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”

7. “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”

8. “This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”

9. “This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better.”

10. “Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.”

11. “A gross ignoramus–144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”

12. “He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.”

14. “I would like to go hunting with him sometime.”

15. “He’s been working with glue too much.”

16. “He would argue with a signpost.”

17. “He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”

18. “When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”

19. “If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”

20. “A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”

21. “A prime candidate for natural de-selection.”

22. “Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”

23. “Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”

24. “He’s got two brains cells: one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.”

25. “If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”

26. “If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”

27. “If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”

28. “It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.”

29. “One neuron short of a synapse.”

30. “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”

31. “Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes.”

32. “The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

I got to share the news about Leela, our puppy, but I didn’t get to share any fun stuff about our trip to Maine. We didn’t plan it this way, but we started off August by going to the Northeasternmost state, and we’re going to finish it off by going about as southwestern as we can go–to LA and San Diego–very soon.

The weather in Maine was perfect and we had a great time. Laura’s parents very graciously hosted us as part of a houseful of people so that we could all experience Old Bristol Days. Bristol is the town they live in, where Laura grew up.

We had a great time at the parade, the fireworks, the craft displays, and at all the other cool things we did. Who can complain when their day consists of relaxing at the beach followed by a lobster dinner? Dave was actually in the parade with Laura’s parents. They were pirates, and it was hilarious! Maybe if you ask nicely, Dave will post one of the pirate pictures!

Well, it was hard for us to choose a puppy, so she chose us! You can see her at Dave’s Blog.

That’s right, she’s a little female pup, and the sweetest and prettiest one at that. We are still deciding on a name, so I’ll post later when we choose that. Expect lots of unbearable photos!

We are so excited to bring her home in early September. She seems ready to play, learn, snuggle, and generally get into trouble. YAY!

Dave took this picture today with Jen’s spiffy camera. He doesn’t know which one this is, but what a cutie!